I’d like to introduce you to my inner child. She’s alive and well after 5 decades. It’s not that I never grew up, it’s that Little Katie is wounded and is still trying to heal from all pain inflicted upon her. I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I have been carrying this hurt, little girl everywhere with me my entire life. My mother really wanted to be seen as the perfect mom. She tried to achieve this through abuse, accusations, threats, and constant put downs. I loved her but I was afraid of her, too. There are so many stories to tell and I plan to share them all in this blog. The feelings I carry to this day still feel fresh and ugly. I continue to deal with shame, embarrassment, and a hearty bowl full of anger. I’m hoping that sharing my story might resonate with others. So, for now, I’ll just say, Little Katie is damaged goods. She’s broken. I’m still trying to find all the pieces and cobble them back together into something that resembles a well balanced adult. This innocent child was treated terribly. She was made to feel bad about herself. She was never good enough. She could never do anything to please the one person in her life who should have been her protector. The first anniversary of my mother’s death is coming up in a few days. Little Katie and I will be wading into the deep end of some very painful memories. This child deserved hugs and kisses. She deserved to feel wanted. I hope it’s not to late to fix her.
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