To me, this is the beginning of the holidays. If you’re like me, holidays can be stressful and a bit lonely. There are lots of factors that make me dread the coming months. I worked in retail for 20 years. I remember all the hustle and bustle, the high expectations, the rude customers. I spent many a Black Friday and Christmas Eve at a department store in the mall. Getting to work at 5am to be ready for the crowds was always a headache. As those years passed, I began to dread everything to do with celebrating, buying gifts, or baking cookies. And don’t even get me started on Christmas Carols.
I used to enjoy getting together with family but I seem to have lost connections to those I thought would always be there. My dad died in 2012, but I miss him terribly. Last November, I lost my mom. Just before my mother’s death, I, unexpectedly lost 2 cousins as well. My family back home, brother, sister in law, nieces, great nieces, and great nephew, are a tight knit group. I don’t think they understand how much it hurts to never be included. My spouse’s side of the family used to be large. The picture I shared today if from a beach trip we had in October, many years ago. This part of the family has splintered and broken. My brother in law divorced his wife. The split was contentious. In the aftermath, he lost contact with his daughter, step daughter, and step son. My mother in law died several years back. This leaves my father in law who, for unknown reasons, has withdrawn from the family. We haven’t spoken to him in about 2 years.
So, for anyone out there who feels alone this time of the year, you are in good company. It’s okay to hate the holidays. It’s okay to not be excited about decorating, food, or spending time with familyl. This year, it will be me, my spouse, and my son. We’ll be alone. We have each other, but I miss being a part of a larger family. I try to remind myself, it’s really just a few days. They are just 24 hours, like all the other days. It doesn’t have to fit into a Norman Rockwell painting. Maybe it’s just watching a movie or taking a good nap will suffice. I hope anyone who reads this post will remember that they still matter, even if they are sad, scared or lonely. We’re together in our un-togetherness.
Let the festivities begin…or not.
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